Bad dreams still.
17
by“Stop! No!”
Burning, pain.
“Stop! Please!”
Rough and wet, teeth on his nipple.
“Please!”
Squeezing, tugging, more pain.
“St—!”
Fullness. A familiar invasion.
“Go slower, please….”
Laughter, hot breath.
“Yeah…like that…”
Andrew tumbled off the bed, sheets twisted around his legs.
He crawled across the floor and reached the wastebasket in time to heave until nothing of last night’s Chinese remained.
The glowing pillowcase tacked to the window revealed the day.
Newborn thoughts gnawed at him. Did the brooding Sash lose his eye in a fight? Cheek pressed to the floor, his eyes turned to under the bed. His black violin case sat there, an unspoken accusation. He hadn’t touched the instrument in months, choosing the Pilar whenever the mood struck.
Guilt-driven hands retrieved it, and then a discarded shirt cleared off its dust. Andrew thought of his gym bag, that oversized canvas sack he hadn’t touched since unpacking his life. Purposeful avoidance was the culprit; that thing left inside was something he wanted to forget.
“You’re being fucktarded,” he mumbled.
Fingers dragged the worn carpet before hooking around a thick strap. One tug brought the bag out from under the bed frame, and the thing inside clunked against the floor.
A white paper bag with oily spots stared back at him from the open zipper.
Andrew couldn’t toss it in the trash; the housekeeper would find it and inform the manager, and that jackass would call a cop.
There was no depositing it in a dumpster. What if a kid found it?
He conjured up a Law & Order episode. His matka had watched the damned show every Wednesday night before she went to work. Countless plots revolved around throwing such things in the East River.
His nerves settled as he imagined it sinking into the depths. He refused to look at it again as if not seeing it made it cease to exist. If only he could do that with Sash. Andrew jammed the encased violin into the canvass sack and zipped it—he’d gone this long without confronting the thing, what would a few more months hurt?